I Still Believe in the Inherent Goodness of Humankind, and the Literal Existence of the Easter Bunny
Excerpts from The Believer: The USA Ultimate Masters Championships
Jesus Died for Our Sin, Just One Sin, and It’s Yours, Harold
I Came to Washington to Represent the People in My Walls
The Dangers of Sculpting
I am the Instagram Algorithm, Here to Explain Why I Am Showing You Photos of Connor Storrie Instead of Your Best Friend from College
An Oral History of the US Government’s Attempts to Fake the 1969 Moon Landing
Matzah’s Daily Affirmations
I’m Your Therapist’s Therapist, and That Girl is a Fucking Mess
Our Loyalty Program Is Now a Fealty Program
Our AI Will Murder Your Employees, Pleasure Their Spouses, and Raise Their Children
We’re Looking for a Unicorn
I Have No Object Permanence, and I Vote
Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Amy Appelhans Gubser
Introducing HelloFresh’s New Indian Mom Edition, Featuring Tupperware You Must Return Immediately
This Generation Has It Easy; Their Emojis Are Just Handed to Them
Swamp Dreams
Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: February 2026: Atrocities 731-779
The Merlin Bird ID App Is Now the Merlin Fight ID App
Theseus Files a Boat Insurance Claim
Why Are You So Surprised That All the Office Chairs on Earth Have Simultaneously Achieved Sentience and Started Killing Everyone?
A Letter to My Three-Year-Old Self
Self-Defense Techniques for Jazz Musicians
Teleportation Journeys of Other Trump Administration Officials
Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Lurking in the Google Doc to See if You’ve Left Me Comments Yet
I’ve Never seen the Mormon Wives Show, but Apparently It’s Extremely Important, and We All Need to Be Paying Attention
We’ve Officially Won the War We’re Currently and Indefinitely Fighting
Excerpts from The Believer: A Microinterview with Roman Prokes
Welcome to This Open House. Please, Do Not Ask Me About Its Vast Network of Tunnels
The Odds of Me Being Mauled by a Bear This Weekend Keep Going Up on Kalshi
Plantmaxxing
The Party of Small Government Demands Twenty-Four-Hour Video Footage of Your Children
An Excerpt from Annabelle Gurwitch’s New Memoir, The End of My Life Is Killing Me: The Unexpected Joys of a Cancer Slacker
Literary References, According to Tech Bros
The Script of Every American Movie Set in Ireland
Is Your Child Suffering from Brain Rot or Quoting Finnegans Wake?
A Brief Overview of What It Means to Be a “Viking” for Bostonians
I Don’t Care That My Boyfriend Is a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach—I Love Him, and We’re Getting Married
Classic Movie Quotes If Everyone Were MAHA-Pilled
The Little Bunny from Goodnight Moon Accepts an Award
